Earlier this year, Nik Vassev, a Vancouver-based tech entrepreneur, faced a delicate situation when a high school friend’s mother passed away. Seeking the right words of support, he turned to Anthropic’s AI chatbot Claude. After requesting help, Claude crafted a compassionate message that helped his friend open up about his grief. Vassev, however, never revealed the message was AI-assisted, aware that some people might devalue such communication.
Vassev’s experience reflects a growing trend: AI tools are increasingly used in personal messaging, from condolences and birthday cards to wedding vows, despite common expectations of emotional authenticity. Online forums reveal mixed feelings about AI-assisted communication, with some expressing hurt when discovering AI was involved in important interpersonal moments.
Research supports these sentiments. A 2023 Ohio State University study found recipients felt less satisfied and uncertain about relationships when informed messages were AI-generated. Similarly, a University of Arizona study indicated that disclosing AI use can harm social perceptions both professionally and personally.
Experts caution that AI can create a sense of inauthenticity. Social psychologist Dr. Vanessa Urch Druskat notes that personalized messages carry an expectation of genuine emotion, and AI-generated empathy can be perceived as insincere. However, attitudes vary, with some people more accepting of AI’s role when it supports rather than fully authors communications.
Despite these concerns, some argue AI tools can enhance communication, especially for those who struggle with expressing emotions. Etiquette expert Sara Jane Ho views AI assistance as showing consideration, comparing it to using a calculator to simplify work. For her, the quality and care in the final message matter more than the process used to create it.
However, sociologist Josh Lora warns that relying heavily on AI risks reducing the effort and emotional labor that nurture intimacy. Outsourcing personal expression to chatbots may weaken self-expression, social skills, and emotional intelligence while diminishing the meaningfulness of human connection.
This tension played out in the friendship of two doctoral students. One, enamored with AI’s efficiency, began using chatbots in personal chats, leading to emotional distance and eventual estrangement. Philosopher Dr. Mathieu Corteel describes AI’s inability to generate true meaning, emphasizing that love and connection arise from the imperfect, effortful human process of communication—something AI shortcuts.
The debate over AI in personal communication reflects broader concerns about convenience culture and what might be lost when technology replaces human effort. While AI can help bridge communication gaps, it also challenges traditional notions of sincerity and relational labor. As AI tools become more embedded in everyday life, people must navigate the delicate balance between helpful assistance and the authentic touch that maintains human bonds.